The concept of friendship. Familiar, friendly, friendly, close, love relationships. Why do women prefer friendship with a man

12.04.2019

The interaction of people with each other and with the surrounding world is carried out in a system of objective relations that arise between people in their social life. Objective relations and connections (dependence, subordination, cooperation, rivalry, mutual assistance, etc.) inevitably and naturally arise in society as a whole and in any real group. Reflected in the mind of a person, refracted through the prism of the inner world of the personality of each member of the group, saturated with emotions, these objective relationships turn into subjective interpersonal relationships.

Interpersonal relationships- subjectively experienced relationships between people, objectively manifested in the nature and methods of mutual influences and interactions in the process of joint activities and communication.

Interpersonal relationships are defined mutual readiness of partners for a certain type of feelings, claims, expectations and behavior.

In the works of N.N.Obozov, the following classification of interpersonal relationships is proposed: acquaintance, friendly, comradely, friendly, love, marital, kinship; destructive relationships are highlighted. This classification does not claim to be complete and complete, but it reflects the main types of significant relationships and turns out to be practically useful for analyzing real everyday relationships.

This classification is based on several criteria: the depth of the relationship, the selectivity in the choice of partners, the functions of the relationship.

The main criterion is the measure, the depth of the involvement of the individual in the relationship. In the structure of personality, several levels of characteristics can be distinguished:

general species(gender, age, race);

sociocultural(nationality, social status, profession,

education, political and religious affiliation, etc.);

psychological(temperament, character, intelligence, motivation, etc.);

individual(unique, unrepeatable features of the inner world of the individual, due to the uniqueness of a person's life path).

Different types interpersonal relationships involve the inclusion in communication of certain levels of personality characteristics. Each level of characteristics plays a more or less important role for a certain species. The most complete and deep involvement of the individual in friendly and family relationships.

The second criterion is the degree of selectivity in choosing partners for relationships. Selectivity can be determined by the number of signs significant for establishing and maintaining relationships. The most selective people in relations of friendship, matrimony; least in dating relationships. How less people may be involved in a relationship, the more careful and biased the selection becomes. Each of us has more acquaintances than friends, and more friends than friends.

The third criterion identified by researchers of interpersonal relations is the functions (goals, purpose) of relations. Functions are understood as a range of tasks, issues that are resolved in interpersonal relationships, needs that are satisfied in these relationships. The functions of relationships are manifested in the difference in their content, psychological meaning for partners.

Additional criteria for distinguishing between interpersonal relationships can be considered: the distance between partners, the duration and frequency of contacts, the use of role-playing clichés in acts of communication, norms of relations, requirements for contact conditions.

Each interpersonal relationship is characterized by a certain distance between partners, implies a certain degree of participation of role-playing clichés, imposes requirements on the frequency and duration of meetings. The general pattern is as follows: as the relationship deepens (for example, friendship versus acquaintance), the distance decreases, the frequency of contacts increases, role-playing clichés disappear.

To understand the essence of friendship and fellowship, it is necessary to know their antipodes; enmity, rivalry. For some types of interpersonal relationships in real life, one can find their opposites: friendship - enmity, camaraderie - rivalry. However, some types of interpersonal relationships do not have antipodes, their negative forms are nonspecific. So, it is impossible to find a real opposition to the relationship of acquaintance, marriage. The termination of such relations is expressed in the complete disappearance of contact, their transition to another type of relationship (for example, marriage to acquaintance) or turning into a negative form of another type of relationship (enmity, rivalry).

The practical use of knowledge of the features of interpersonal relations in everyday life is most realized when the participants in the relationship qualify (evaluate) them differently, and each behaves in accordance with his assessment of the relationship. "The relationship didn't work out..." This formula is known to all. They don't stack up different reasons, but perhaps the most common reason is the discrepancy between the behavior of one partner and the expectations of the other. Suppose one of the partners evaluates the relationship as friendly, and the other as friendly. In this case, most likely the first will seem cold to the second, and the second to the first - intrusive.

An integral feature of stable interpersonal relationships is their reciprocity. Mutual friendship can last indefinitely. But the relationship "acquaintance - friend" cannot exist for a long time, because it inevitably entails misunderstanding, misunderstanding, mutual displeasure. Such relationships will either end completely or move into another type of relationship. Moreover, the desire of one side is enough to break the relationship, and the efforts of both partners are needed to change.

N.N. Obozov, based on research on interpersonal relationships, suggested psychological characteristics various types of relationships.

Dating relationships. These relationships are not determined by kinship or goals. joint activities. The circle of persons with whom a person enters into a relationship of acquaintance is the widest. It can cover up to several hundred persons, i.e. We have as many acquaintances as our memory can hold. But the point here, of course, is not only in memory. An uncommunicative, reserved person, an introvert, even with a good memory, will include much fewer people in the number of acquaintances than a sociable one.

A relationship can be called an acquaintance relationship if:

you know by sight, you recognize, you exchange greetings and sometimes "secular phrases", for example, about the weather.

We suggest doing the following exercise: write a list of all your acquaintances. Include in it those with whom relations belong to other types of relations. The list can be compiled for several days by selecting free minutes. Invite people to do this exercise with whom you have relationships that allow you to make such requests.

The circle of acquaintances is largely determined by age, gender, profession, place of residence, social status person.

Dating situations are varied and different for different cultures(youth subculture in this sense is the most democratic). Maintaining and maintaining relationships of acquaintance largely depends on psychological characteristics people (sociability, charm, self-confidence, active life position etc.) and is also determined by cultural traditions.

Acquaintance relations are manifested in the act of recognition and greeting. Acquaintance relations are a source of awareness of social and species affiliation: gender, age, territorial, etc. When meeting, the first impression of a person is formed.

Dating relationships are the least emotionally saturated. To just acquaintances we experience, as a rule, slight sympathy, dislike or indifference. When we are in a familiar social environment, dating relationships usually do not interest us too much. Negative experiences are caused by the complete absence of dating relationships. This is known to everyone who has ever changed their place of residence, habitual habitat. Relationships, despite their seeming insignificance, play an important role in our lives.

friendly relations arise from relationships. For the formation of friendly relations, a fairly stable circle of acquaintances is needed, conditions for joint activities that are significant for partners in various fields (life, work, study, leisure), and mutual interest.

Relationships become more selective. Friendships tend to connect people close in age. Gender, education, social status are as important here as they allow common interests and similarity of basic values.

The word "friend" itself indicates the special role of acceptance-rejection, when sympathies-dislikes are one of the main conditions for the emergence and maintenance of relationships. Emotional experiences and evaluations are included in friendships to a greater extent than in acquaintances. For the emergence of positive mutual assessments in communication, it is important to have similar opinions on certain issues related to various spheres of life: personal life, profession, politics, art, hobbies, etc. When communicating with friends, topics are more important than when dating. The circle of friends is narrower than the circle of acquaintances. The number of friends depends on the sociability of a person, his need for contacts with other people. The survey showed that friends are most often called those with whom it is pleasant and interesting to spend time and talk.

Try to make a "list of friends" based on the "list of acquaintances".

Friendly relations arise from relationships of acquaintance and friendly relations, when conditions arise that contribute to a closer rapprochement of people.

Time plays an important role in the formation of friendly relations. Long-term relationships of acquaintance and friendship lead to the fact that people get to know each other better, on the basis of deepening sympathy, relationships become more stable, trust increases, affection arises, a need for each other. Relationships turn into friendships.

The impetus for the rapprochement of people, the consolidation of their relationship are often difficulties, difficulties in work or personal life. This fact is reflected in the proverb “A friend in need is a friend”. At the same time, the words are no less true: "A friend is known in joy." Compassionate easier than rejoice. Probably, compassion and " rejoicing” are different in their origin and, perhaps, in their “age” in the human psyche. Probably, animals should also experience something resembling compassion, and this has a biological adaptive value. Alarm cries and other signs of an animal's suffering reflexively evoke a state of anxiety, fear in other animals, and turn on the mechanisms of protection or flight ... Rejoice per another can only be a person, experience the success, luck of the other as own can only a true friend. There is no place for envy in friendship.

Friendship begins with sympathy, respect, trust.

Friendships are highly selective. A real friend is an alter ego, i.e. second I.

Friendship is based on common interests and similarities in basic goals and values. An important criterion for friendly relations is their reciprocity, an adequate assessment of the nature and value of relations by both partners. Friendship relationships usually involve two or three people. In the companies of friends, everyone is connected by friendship, but the closest contacts are established in pairs, a kind of microgroups.

In friendly relations, instrumental and emotional-confessional components are distinguished. Them specific gravity relationships can be different.

Instrumental friendship is based on mutual help in various life circumstances.

Emotional-confessional relationships involve emotional support, a high degree trust, mutual understanding and absolute goodwill. This not only does not exclude the possibility of criticism, but precisely makes it effective.

Best friends tend to be the same age, reflecting the psychological need for a relationship based on the principles of equality and similarity in basic characteristics.

Friendship relations are characteristic of all people, regardless of gender and age, but there is an age and gender specificity of friendship.

The age dynamics of friendship is manifested in the degree of its selectivity, stability and intimacy. The growth of the selectivity of friendly relations is accompanied by the growth of their stability and psychological intimacy.

special value friendly relations acquire in adolescence. They occupy an exclusive place among youthful attachments. As the first self-chosen deep individual affection, friendship not only anticipates love, but includes it.

Friendships in adulthood, retaining the main signs of friendship (selectivity, stability, intimacy), lose their "totality", often acting as an addition to family attachments.

Gender differences are manifested in the fact that women's friendship, as a rule, is dominated by the emotional-confessional component, and in men's - the instrumental component of friendships. Women perceive relationships more subtly, react more sharply to their nuances than men.

Friendly relations have been and are highly valued among all peoples and at all times, however, there are people who need psychological intimacy, satisfied in friendship, is poorly developed. This is the result of both selfishness or emotional poverty, and hypertrophy of the achievement motive. A person completely absorbed in objective activity pays less attention to his own experiences and the people around him.

Please write down the names of your friends on a piece of paper.

Companionship, are close to instrumental friendly. As well as instrumental friendships, they are realized in the sphere of objective activity, but they are determined not by personal preferences, but by the situation of joint activity, belonging to the same community, as a rule, production. Companionable relations are focused on achieving group goals. The attributes of a partnership are mutual assistance, assistance, cooperation, etc. increase the effectiveness of joint activities.

Companionable relations function with any quantitative composition, since the ties between comrades are set by group goals.

In the recent past, camaraderie relations "brought up the spirit of collectivism", were considered in the context of achieving the goals of communist construction and had a significant ideological load. Now collectives are more often called teams, and the spirit of collectivism is called corporate unity. The ideological function of comradeship relations is preserved, but its content changes. Partnership relations in a group of people working together help to increase the efficiency of joint activities and achieve corporate goals.

The psychological meaning of camaraderie remains unchanged. The need to establish friendly or friendly relations with this or that person arises from within. The need to maintain companionship, their duration is dictated by external factors. I am friends with this person because want this; with this man I have comradely relations, because so necessary(Of course, "should" does not exclude "want").

Companionship can turn into friendly or friendly. Practice shows that friendships can negatively affect the effectiveness of group activities. Firstly, friendship shifts our attention from task to relationship, and secondly (and maybe firstly) the ethical values of friendship and fellowship do not always coincide. The main value of friendship is the good of a friend; The main value of partnership is the achievement of common goals.

Love relationship are built as a form of satisfying the emotional and sexual needs of partners and can move into other types of relationships. Here it is necessary to emphasize the difference between the relationship of love in general and love relationship between sexual partners. Relationships of love are not distinguished as an independent type of interpersonal relationships. They are the most important component of marital and family relations, they can be included in friendships, they are the basis of love relationships.

The feeling of love is the highest degree of emotionally positive attitude of a person to a person. Love relationships are characterized by exceptional selectivity in choosing a partner, which leads to the singularity or even the absence of this type of relationship in a person's life.

The depth of the relationship of love is explained by the total involvement of partners in this relationship.

People in loving relationships tend to appreciate each other's positive qualities, especially those that they consider to be the most valuable in terms of value. Therefore, there is an opinion that "love is blind." Philosopher and psychotherapist W. Frankl questions this common truth. Is love blind, which makes you see only good in the object of love? Maybe on the contrary, love has a special vision that allows you to see the potential of a person that could manifest itself, and which cannot be noticed without love? Maybe when love leaves, a person does not see clearly, but goes blind, losing the opportunity to see the best in another person?

Relationships of love are peculiar and unique in each case. This is one of the most difficult subjects of scientific research, we comprehend the essence of love through our own experience and reading wonderful works of fiction. "This mystery is great" *.

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* An expression from the Epistle of the Apostle Paul to the Ephesians, which is read during the Orthodox wedding ceremony.

marital relationship arise as a result of the formalization of a love relationship. Marriage as a form of interpersonal relations is understood as a set of socially regulated relations between marriage partners. From the point of view of society, the function of marriage is to ensure social control over the reproduction of the population and sexual behavior. For a person, marriage is an interpersonal relationship that allows satisfying the need for emotional attachment, individual sexual love, the need for procreation, organization of life and leisure, moral and emotional support. These needs can be satisfied outside of marriage, but marriage organizes, stabilizes, socially sanctioned their satisfaction.

The multifunctionality of marital relations requires the full inclusion of the individual, creates the prerequisites for high selectivity in choosing a partner, and gives marital relations exceptional depth and intimacy. For modern marriage, it is most important to satisfy the psychological needs of partners: the need for affection, love, support, emotional and sexual communication. The most durable and happy are those marriages in which partners are connected by relationships of love and friendship.

Of particular importance for family harmony, the harmony of relationships is marital compatibility. Compatibility is such an effect of people's communication, which is characterized by the maximum possible satisfaction with relationships, a sense of unity, integrity of couples (which is expressed in a sense of similarity, similarity, sameness). For spouses, communication is not only a means of solving family everyday issues, but also an end in itself - as “communication for the sake of communication”.

family relations based on common origin, connection by birth. The number of persons included in family relations depends on many factors: the actual number of relatives, the proximity of residence, cultural traditions.

A person cannot voluntarily choose persons in relation to kinship, and therefore, depending on objective and subjective circumstances, kinship relations can manifest themselves in the form of friendly, friendly, comradely relations. At the same time, all kinship relations have the same basis and a single function - concern for maintaining the physical and social well-being of members of the kinship group.

In the studies of anthropologists, one can trace the idea of the genus as a social community that performs the tasks of maintaining, surviving and prospering the members of the genus. Apparently, this function is also characteristic of modern kinship relations, although in a more disguised form.

Relationships include parent-child relationships. It is these relationships that largely determine how all other types of interpersonal relationships will develop throughout a person’s future life. A lot of works of psychologists and teachers are devoted to the relationship between parents and children.

Friendship between a man and a woman is not so rare. It is usually based on common interests. Often it occurs between fellow students who help each other do tests, go in for sports or creativity together, go on hiking trips.

A young man and a girl are happy to discuss topics of interest to both of them, he can take her home, help carry a heavy bag, she can do it for him homework, but at the same time each of them has their own life and their own romantic relationships. Similarly, but adjusted for age and area of interest, friendships can develop between work colleagues.

Friendship families

It happens that two are friends with each other couples. Gradually, it may become clear that, in addition to spending time together, a man from one family and a woman from another can be connected by common interests and friendly sympathy. Often with a male friend, a woman may experience more trusting relationship than with her husband, precisely because they are not connected sexual relations as well as domestic and financial problems.

What to do if, over time, love in the family turns into friendship? Is it good or bad? Let's watch the video!

break up friends

It happens that a broken one turns into friendship love affair. If people managed to painlessly end their relationship, their friendship can become especially strong and lasting, because they know and understand each other perfectly.

If love didn't work out

Often friendship between a man and a woman begins with the love of one of them. For example, a girl likes a young man, but since he makes no attempt to court her, she decides to become friends with him, hoping that friendship will eventually grow into more tender feeling. True, if this does not happen, such a friendship can end in severe and painful disappointment.

Male girlfriend

However, there are also such men with whom it is pleasant and interesting for women to communicate, they are perceived by them as friends. However, often women do not take such men seriously. In addition, it also happens that a woman sincerely considers a man just a friend, and he, deep down, hopes for something more.

You are no longer my friend

There are certain obstacles in the friendship of a man and a woman. First of all - in the face of a jealous spouse. Not every woman or man will calmly accept the fact that his other half may have friends of the opposite sex.

In fact, friendship is a complex concept. Each person decides with whom to be friends. It also happens that a man and a woman communicate exclusively as friends for many years, and it happens that a best friend eventually becomes the closest and most beloved person.

The psychology of friendship - it seems that the topic is simple and complex at the same time, everyone has friends, but is it always possible to build with them a good relationship and keep friendship long years? In the article, we will consider the main points that underlie, the foundation of friendship, what unites friends and helps to stay together throughout life?

First, let's define friendship, what does it include?

Friendship- close relationships based on trust, affection, common interests, mutual respect and mutual assistance.

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Thus, the psychology of friendship involves sympathy and affection, affects the spiritual side of the human personality. Considered the most moral sense- friendship is even a purer moral manifestation than love, since it is not so demanding. At the same time, a person opens his best qualities in friendship - learns to be attentive, caring, show support, help, always comes to the rescue in difficult situations.

As a rule, friendship implies a common interest, which unites people from the very beginning. Let us consider in more detail what types of friendship are, how they are formed, what are the differences and similarities.

The psychology of friendship and its types

The psychology of friendship pays great attention the question of the reasons for the formation of friendship and the choice of friends. Initially, friendly relations arise in the process of common labor - hunting, farming, knightly wars. Obviously, the team is stronger than one person, uniting into tribes, teams, helps to overcome an opponent, an animal, life's hardships. AT modern world a person is free to choose friends on his own, often using psychological compatibility, internal needs.

Friendship from the point of view of psychology identifies the following role forms of manifestation of friendship based on psychological needs:

"Comrade"- unite common interests, joint employment, common projects, activities.
"Mirror"- helps to know oneself, tells how one looks, promotes understanding of one's own personality on psychological level.
"Compassionate"- great helper difficult situations, supports morally, performs the function of a psychotherapist, heals mental wounds.
"Companion"– interesting for communication, there is a lot in common for discussion, high level understanding, the opportunity to open up, to be heard.
"Alter ego" — inner feeling similarities on a psychological level, the desire to be like a friend.
"Ideal"- a person who acts as a role model, we strive to adopt certain qualities, learn a new attitude to life or gain new knowledge.
"Recharge"- helps to restore energy, mood, inspires new achievements, has a positive character, always cheers up and gives a great mood.

An ideal friend helps solve a few psychological issues, then its value increases, because we feel the need to be together under various circumstances - in happiness and sorrow, as in family life.

The psychology of friendship determines the type of friendship based on the situation of acquaintance and the characteristics of people entering into friendships.

There are the following situational types of friendship:

friendship since high school(occurs in school years, student, sometimes continues in the future if there is a desire and interests that unite people);
office friendship(formed as a result of constant contacts in working time, the need to communicate with colleagues, usually temporary, although it can become strong and continue even after the termination of work in one team);
business friendship(occurs between business partners, common aspirations to the goals - the creation of projects, constant meetings, discussion of prospects, mutual support and assistance, help to unite and become friends);
resort friendship(acquaintances during vacations, trips, business trips lead to the emergence of new friends, such relationships are usually temporary, although they may continue after parting and returning to normal mode life).

People can get to know each other for various reasons, but the main thing that unites them is a commonality of values, interests, and worldviews. There is a feeling - kindred spirit when it is easy to communicate with a person, understands well and inspires confidence. Not everyone is able to be true friends, someone remains in the rank of acquaintances. That's why true friends- great value.

Depending on gender, the following types of friendship are distinguished

Female friendship

The psychology of female friendship is built on constant communication, the desire to discuss current problems, which reduces the level of stress. Girlfriends are always ready to sympathize and treat with understanding, not offering to change, to become better. If there is no desire to look for a solution, but just to talk, then the best friend is a woman. Women's friendship from the point of view of psychology is tested by success, not by troubles. When a friend is ready to share the joy and sincerely support in new aspirations, this is real friend and not envy. Such friends should be valued and try to maintain relationships for as long as possible.

Confidence is the basic element of friendship, female friendship you should be sure - they will understand, they will not condemn, they will not advise undesirable actions, even from good intentions. The biggest enemy of female friendship is envy, rivalry. If a friend is not prone to such manifestations, then you can be 100% sure of her. And the question: “Does female friendship exist?” - does not occur.

The psychology of girls' friendship is built on mutual understanding, respect, trust, however, a person can have secrets that belong only to him, and there is no desire to initiate others, this is normal, everyone chooses their own level of relationship intimacy. We noticed that the presence of permanent male partners allows female friendships to be stronger, as well as between single women, but it is difficult to break out of such an environment. The psychology of friendship in women allows us to note the high need for communication, which gives vent to emotions, helps to understand life situations. Therefore, having a close friend has a positive effect on mental condition increases life satisfaction, even promotes a healthier and longer life, as shown medical research. Friendship between women, psychology - allows you to understand the main features of relationships, friendship of the fair sex. As noted, women are quite emotional and sociable, and friendships are an element of psychiatry, helping to restore mental balance.

male friendship

It is considered real and ideal, examples are described in the history and literature of the Three Musketeers. At the same time, friendly relations are built on mutual assistance, support, mutual protection, participation in resolving issues. Men are united by common interests, work, hobbies. Men show emotions less, so they don’t open up so much in friendship, emotional intimacy is less strong compared to women’s, but friendly relationships are quite strong and stable.

Usually real friends are rare in life, over the years their number is reduced, and the remaining ones are valued even more - they have been tested over the years, by actions, they often helped out in difficult situations. Friends are essential in a person's life, and having a close friend is happiness. It is important to cherish and maintain relationships throughout life.

The psychology of male friendship is built on certain principles, interests:

General Affairs Friends like to spend time together, both at work and leisure.
Convenience- friendly relations are mutually beneficial, provide mutual assistance in business, achieving success in various fields life.
Mentoring- such a friend is usually older in age, while possessing the knowledge necessary for development. The psychology of friendship between men is built on the desire for cooperation, a true friend will always come to the rescue in difficult situation. male friendship is checked in trouble, the desire for rivalry, different outlooks on life, the inability to combine friendship and family can be obstacles. As the years go by, family friendships can continue, or occasional weekend get-togethers with best friends can take place.

Children's friendship

The initial stage of the emergence of friendship, from 2 years old children show interest in peers, and at 3-6 years old- the first friends appear, friendships are built on mutual games, treats, children like cheerful, not like to complain, open to communication.

Friendship allows you to spend time together, visit, have fun, support, help, show protection. The psychology of friendship claims that these are relationship lessons that influence the possibility of building relationships in adolescence and adulthood. The task of adults is to learn how to get acquainted, find an environment for communication, explain the rules of friendship - share, be attentive, help.

At the age of 7-10 years there are school attachments based on mutual interests - joint education in the same class, classes in circles, constant contact(partner neighbor). Friendship is often perceived as cooperation - whoever learns better can help. At the same time, boys constantly have common affairs, undertakings, while girls have conversations and discussions. By the age of 10, an understanding of mutual assistance and mutual obligations is formed, friends acquire a special status.

11 to 14 years old- the period when there is a need for close soul friend, mutual trust, the desire to have an authoritative friend. A huge impact has a collective opinion, fashion, modern tendencies. Every teenager wants to be on a level with others, to strive for recognition among classmates.

15-18 years old — new stage personality formation, friendships become more personal, contributes to the restoration mental strength, reminiscent of psychotherapy - constant phone calls, correspondence, meetings. New demands are made on a friend - understanding, devotion, the ability to help, to listen. Friendship promotes self-affirmation, self-identification in the modern world and in the adult environment.

At the same time, it is necessary to realize that being able to listen to others is necessary on a par with trust in friends. It is important to realize who is trustworthy and will be able to keep secrets or minimize information, which leads to superficial communication. Friendship of children, psychology allows you to realize - this is the stage of preparation for adulthood, the formation of self-esteem, promotes the development of confidence, the importance of having friendships in children and teenage years life.

Quite interesting and controversial issue. In recent studies, psychologists tend to think that heterosexual friendship is possible when close relationships are impossible for various reasons. Friends of a man can be more interesting in communication than girls - there is no envy, rivalry, more understanding and attention. Friendships arise in people with common interests - work, creativity, hobbies.

The psychology of friendship suggests that friendly communication with the opposite sex can be interesting, but it is important to keep a distance so that friendship does not suddenly turn into love. Often there are situations when one of the friends is in love and hopes for reciprocity, continuing to be friends. Often strong friendship arises at the beginning of a relationship, uniting spiritually. If a girl has a boyfriend and close friend- this is warning sign, love relationship do not bring satisfaction, feelings fade away, there is a lack of understanding.

There are different opinions about heterosexual friendship, the experience of life does not always confirm the success of friendship, although everything is possible. This question still needs to be studied and remains a mystery.

As we see, there are different types friendship, but the principles and rules of friendship are similar. How to become good friend What to pay attention to in relationships with friends?

Basic Rules of Friendship

Every person dreams of wonderful and devoted friends who are always there, ready to help, to understand. However, let's put the question differently, in order to find a friend, just like a loved one, you need to be worthy of friendship, be able to make friends, show the best moral qualities, what are the requirements put forward by friendship, what underlies the relationship?

The psychology of friendship defines the basic rules of friendship:

Exchange- friends tend to share information, successes, achievements, news. Always ready to provide moral support, come to the rescue in difficult situations. They strive to be pleasant for communication, ready for mutual services, sincere and open in communication.
Intimacy- this feature includes the presence of trust in friends, confidence in their reliability. There is a feeling of devotion, responsibility towards friends, a desire to keep secrets.
Relationship with third parties- the desire to protect a friend in front of other people, the ability to recognize, respect his other friends, take personal relationships calmly, avoid criticism in public.
Coordination- it is important to understand that each person has a personal space, you should not show importunity, a desire for constant communication, you have your own life, interests, concerns. Constant teachings also do not cause joy among friends, respect for a person, his inner world should be a priority.

secrets of friendship and strong relationship for many years depend on the observance of the code of friendship, unwritten rules. Initially, coordination and relations with third parties play a large role, as an indicator of friendly relations. Over time, relationships become deeper, involve more trust, intimacy - reliability, devotion play key role as opposed to the standard exchange that often occurs in public life.

How does a person choose friends, on what grounds?

The psychology of friendship claims that people of the same circle who have similar interests, values, attitudes, close in age, marital status. At the same time, psychological characteristics can differ significantly. In rare cases, friends come from another sphere, circle, rather to gain new knowledge, learning, development.

On the early stages friendship, more attention is paid to external qualities, over time, personal qualities are valued more, special characteristics that do not appear immediately, but deserve attention. People get to know each other, gain experience of communication, there is mutual sympathy, attachment to friends. At times, moving becomes a tragedy for children - a change of team, the loss of friends. The psychology of relationships, friendship is the result of constant work, like family ones. Regular communication, mutual assistance, support strengthen friendship, you need to find time to maintain friendship, meet with close friends. Every day we can take a step towards friendship, its strengthening, or, letting it take its course, nullify any interaction.

The concept of friendship in psychology involves self-disclosure, the desire to share own thoughts, ideas, but with different people man opens up varying degrees depending on the proximity of the relationship. As a rule, the frankness of one person is a positive incentive, it causes a desire to share one's personal and valuable, showing trust.

In a normal situation, a person has several close friends, relatives whom he trusts, the rest keep their distance and do not enter into the soul, that's right, you should not trust the soul to all people, not everyone will understand, there are also mysteries in the personality.

The psychology of friendship determines important quality friend - the ability to understand another person, for perception and adequate assessment the following qualities are required:

life experience, an older person can understand a younger person (a teenager, a child), the reverse situation is unlikely;
psychological similarity of personalities;
high intelligence- helps to rationally understand the situation, information;
ability to understand oneself, a high level of awareness contributes to the understanding of other people;
emotional stability- promotes sober attitude people, and anxiety interferes with being objective;
contemplation- the ability to treat people kindly, but look at everything aloof, observing and analyzing;
sensitivity- the ability to perceive and feel one's own inner world and other people, be attentive and show participation, understanding.

Thus, it is worth raising the level of development of your personality in order to be a good friend, to learn to understand, feel other people, their experiences, joy and pain. Friendship from the point of view of psychology suggests special treatment- a friend becomes exceptional, unique, inimitable. This is a special morality, the desire to single out a person and give him Special attention emphasizing the value of relationships. Having real friends is the foundation happy life, and their absence leads to a decrease in self-esteem, a feeling of loneliness and hopelessness.

A person can find kindred souls in the world if he strives for this, knows how to communicate and create friendly, open, trusting relationships.

We wish all real and devoted friends!

1. Introduction ……………………………………………………………………….3

2. The concept of friendship…………………………………………………..……3

3. Types of friendships……………………………………….5

4. The meaning and evolutionary development of friendship

in the process of becoming a personality …………….….…….6

5. Formation of friendship……………………………………………..7

5. The moral aspect of friendship. Conclusion..……….8

6. List of references……………………………………………………….9

Introduction.

What is friendship?

Every person in life has to communicate with people. Communication is one of important places among human needs.

Communication is an informational and subject interaction, in the course of which m interpersonal relationships about relationship(MO).

When people interact with each other, their personal qualities are manifested, hence the MO. The most important feature of MO is their emotional basis. This means that they arise and develop on the basis of certain feelings that are born in people in relation to each other. These feelings can be bringing together, uniting people and separating them.

If we delve into IR, we will come across more personal communication, for example, intimate-personal communication. This is a kind of psychological shock absorber for business, domestic and personal problems and upheavals. This is the complicity of partners in each other's problems, the opportunity to share their spiritual and practical being with others, it is provided by understanding the thoughts, feelings and intentions of the other, empathy. Thanks to complicity in intimate-personal relationships, the self-actualization of the individual occurs, which is most facilitated by higher forms intimate personal communication - friendship and love .

The concept of friendship, types of friendship and friendly relations.

friendship can be defined as positive. intimate relationship between people, based on mutual affection, spiritual closeness, common interests, devotion of people to each other, complete trust, etc. Friendly relations are inherent in: personal character (as opposed to, for example, business relations); voluntariness and individual selectivity (as opposed to kinship or solidarity due to belonging to the same group); inner closeness, intimacy (as opposed to simple friendship); sustainability. But the goals pursued by friendship can be very different: business or emotional, rational and moral - all this is intricately intertwined and takes on a multi-purpose orientation.

Unlike love, friendship is basically a relationship between people of the same gender.

It is necessary to distinguish Friendship as:

· social institution, or the system social norms(sociological aspect)

moral sense (psychological aspect)

a specific type of relationship (socio-psychological aspect)

The very concept of friendship should not be confused with concepts that are close in meaning.

Concept one: familiar. Most of the people whom we consider our friends are actually just our acquaintances, that is, those whom we single out from the mass of people around us. We know their worries, their problems, we consider them people close to us, we turn to them for help and we ourselves willingly help them. But there is no full revelation, we do not trust them with our most secret desires. Meeting them does not make us happy, does not make us smile involuntarily. gossip, envy, enmity. Deep conflicts are often hidden behind outwardly cordial relationships.

Second concept: collective solidarity. Friendship must be distinguished from solidarity. In the latter case, friends are those who fight on our side, say, during a war. Friends on one side, enemies on the other. There is nothing personal in such solidarity. The same category includes forms of solidarity that exist in sects, in parties, in the church. But in all these cases we are dealing with collective rather than purely personal relationships.

Third concept: functional relationship. They refer to the type of personal connections based on social function. Such is the friendship between companions or between politicians. Such relationships last as long as there is an interest that requires common care. This also includes numerous professional relationships, relationships between work colleagues and between housemates.

Fourth meaning: friendliness. Relationships are also based on mutual sympathy, but in this case the word friendship should be used very carefully. Such emotional connections often superficial and short-lived.

Types of friendships.

spiritual friendship- mutual enrichment and complement each other. Thus, he gives his friend the opportunity to receive such a desired recognition: what could be more beautiful if you are appreciated and understood by the one for whom you recognize this right. Each feels completely different from the other and admires precisely those qualities that he himself does not have.

creative friendship- both friends retain their pronounced individuality. Moreover, friendship helps to creatively complement the personality of each of the friends, to give a complete character to their individuality.

Everyday friendship can exist and develop only under the condition of immediate territorial proximity. Friends must live side by side, provide each other with services, seek help, go somewhere together, or at least just chat about this and that. As a rule, such friendship is reinforced by some constant reason for meetings. It can be a normal neighborhood or a common job.

family friendship at first glance, it seems to be the complete antipode of creative friendship, but it is not. It is characteristic of the type of friendship we are considering that our friend, in essence, becomes a friend of the whole family. And if it's about married couple who has children, one can clearly talk about friendship with families.

The meaning and evolutionary development of friendship in the process of personality formation.

Intellectual and other attachments have not yet been separated into Ancient Greece from erotic. Platonic ideal disinterested friendship- love, in which sensual attraction is subject to the desire for moral perfection, remains internally contradictory.

Childhood friendship is an emotional attachment, most often based on joint activities; although the degree of selectivity and stability of D. increases with the age of the child

The true need for the "other self" appears only in a teenager in connection with the need to realize oneself, to correlate one's own experiences with the experiences of another. Youthful friendship is prone to confession, occupies perhaps the most important place in life and is extremely emotional. Therefore, often in need of deep emotional attachments young people do not notice the real qualities of a partner; such relationships are often short-lived.

The friendship ties of an adult are more differentiated, as a number of new forms of communication appear (love, family and parental attachments, etc.). The main difference between adult friendship and friendship in childhood or adolescence is tolerance for differences, as the personality develops and develops.

Formation of friendship.

Friendship arises as a break in the usual course of events, as a leap. At some point, we suddenly begin to experience a strong surge of sympathy, interest in another person, he becomes close to us. If we have known him for a long time, there is a feeling that we saw him for the first time in our lives. Let's call this phenomenon meeting. A meeting is a final event, a bunch of time. For friendship, only these moments of the highest intensity of life are important. Whatever happens in between doesn't matter. Such a meeting is always a surprise, always a discovery. For most of our acquaintances, we will never take this first step on the road to friendship. Unlike falling in love, we may not even think about a friend from meeting to meeting.

Although friendship is an intimate personal relationship, its formation and development depend on a number of objective conditions: spatial proximity, frequency of contacts, belonging to a common team, joint activities, common goals and interests.

The moral aspect of friendship. Conclusion.

Friendship is an ethical form of love. Unlike other forms of love, she chooses her object using moral criteria, and builds her attitude towards him based on these criteria. But friendship is also preference. Being a friend always means that you are loved more than another, that you are preferred to someone else, to a huge faceless mass of others.

Friendship is a relationship between two completely free individuals, a meeting of equals. Two people can become friends even if they have different economic and social status, but only on condition that they meet as two free independent human having the same power and equal dignity. This is the process of realizing equality. But it perishes if we make it a rule to constantly use the help of a friend.

Friendship does not tolerate deceit, does not allow malicious acts. Never, under any circumstances. In friendship, you need to be able to see the merits of the other and appreciate them.

There are limits, there is a certain threshold that no one should cross. We cannot demand from our friend that he does something unworthy for us, for example, testify perjury in our favor in court. If we demand this, we break the basic rules of friendship and stop behaving like a friend.

We don't choose people we don't respect as friends. Friendship is such a social space where people treat each other more morally, more cordially than to those who are outside this space. Here moral standards are observed in the strictest way: in the way that they should ideally be observed by all.

Bibliography.

1. R.S. Nemov, General foundations of psychology., M 1994.

2. Kon I.S., Psychology of youthful friendship., M 1973.

3. Fridman L.M., Kulagina I.Yu., Psychological handbook

teachers., M 1994.

4. Francesco Alberoni, Friendship and Love., M 1991.

At all times, humanity was worried about the question: is there friendship between a man and a woman? There is no answer to this day. This is rather a rhetorical question, completely individual. It should be noted right away that the object of discussion is not an intermediate friendship from acquaintance to a full-fledged relationship. Namely, friendly, friendly relationships that do not imply a romantic outcome. The opinions of psychologists are radically different from each other. Some are sure that friendship is not guided by gender. Others argue that the basis of any relationship is physical attraction. And sooner or later platonic love becomes physical.

What is friendship?

Some have a distorted concept of friendship. As a result, a misunderstanding of love relationships is formed. The line between platonic and romantic relationships is blurred. Therefore, friendship between a man and a woman ceases to be possible option. So, friendship is called disinterested, trusting relationships built on common interests, communication, respect, fun pastime.

There are a number of basic distinguishing features of friendships from other types of feelings:

Unselfishness. Friendships are formed without further benefit to anyone. If one achieves success in something, the other is only happy with his achievements. If on the way there are failures, friends experience them together. No envy, no gain, no use.
Equality. There is no principle of hierarchy (as in a family, at work). Partners are equal.
Frankness. True friends share their experiences with each other, openly show emotions. No one will ridicule the revelations.
Naturalness. Friends never wear masks, they never pretend. They are what they are. And pretense is superfluous, inappropriate.
Freedom. Comrades do not violate the personal space of everyone. Communication occurs only when both want it.

If these conditions are met, communication is easy, without imposition, we can safely talk about friendship between a man and a woman. But, the line between camaraderie and romance is very thin. She is not easy to recognize. It is even more difficult not to step over it for the opposite sex.

How to distinguish friendship from romance?

How to distinguish simple friendship from growing love? hallmark romanticism is sex drive in a partner, which is manifested from the sensory sphere. The goal is romantic relationship is family building. Therefore, when a physical attraction to a man or woman arises, it is not necessary to talk about friendship.

If love begins to emerge between friends, the interests of one are put above the interests of the other. The appearance of a hierarchy, subordination violates one of the basic principles of unanimity - equality. A partner in love begins to do everything to please the other. He puts on masks, becomes good. So, a man can take the role of a guardian, a protector, and a woman can take the role of a mistress, a seductress. All these masks and roles discredit the principle of naturalness.

Often, people in love have false expectations for their chosen ones. And when these expectations are not justified, they are upset, disappointed. In this case, the principle of freedom, disinterestedness is violated. These are the main differences between love and friendship. The sooner "friends" recognize them, the better it will be for both.

Having studied the psychology of the relationship between a man and a woman, you can understand what you need. If the partner is not looking for love or sex, friendship will only bring benefits - communication, useful experience, development. If a man or woman notices that sexual desire is beginning to appear, and you want to keep friendship, you should adhere to following tips psychologist:

Remember that you are friends;
Do not flirt with a friend, do not make ambiguous compliments;
Don't commit joint purchases(do not play family relationships);
Keep a distance in communication;
Tell a friend / girlfriend that the place in your heart is taken.

Why do men value friendship with a woman?

Both a man and a woman expect understanding, support, trust, help, and a pleasant pastime from such relationships. But, a man who is friends with a girl also receives a kind of psychological relaxation session of psychotherapy. After all, who, if not a friend, will tell you what girls like, how to dress for a first date, what to give a sweetheart for her birthday?

Women are sensitive, spiritual beings. In them, a man will always find support, useful advice. Due to courtesy and attentiveness, a man feels like a leader in a female environment. Therefore, like-mindedness with a woman gives him confidence, increases self-esteem. Also, long-term friendship with a girl helps a man understand feminine nature, essence. It's great theoretical experience to build romantic relationships.

Why do women prefer friendship with a man?

Men have developed logical thinking. They soberly assess any situation, without emotions. Therefore, girls will always find support, good advice male friend. In addition, a man is always sincere. They don't try to compete with their girlfriend, look like the best of her. They are what they are. This makes it much easier for some girls to surround themselves with male friends.

In addition, the representatives of the stronger sex, in most cases, are reliable and responsible. They will help you day and night. You can always rely on them. Friendship with a man gives a woman an understanding of the opposite sex, which helps in building a love relationship. And communication with a guy significantly expands your horizons, carries you into interesting dialogues, discussions.

Friendship between a man and a woman is real

World psychologists argue that friendly relations between opposite sexes quite possible. This is indicated by a sociological survey. So, 62% of the population either believe in friendship between the sexes, or have such a relationship. But, nevertheless, there is a line in such feelings. So, a friendly union between a guy and a girl is possible only if the following parameters are met:

One of the friends, or both, has a love relationship with others;
No sex drive;
No sex;
Both wish to maintain friendly relations;
Partners are friends in couples, families.

The last point is worth dwelling on in more detail. Spouse is not always welcome close connection your lover with the opposite sex. Jealousy takes its toll and the friendship ends. On the other hand, the second half is worth considering. If a married girl or a married young man needs to communicate with the other sex, perhaps the couple is not enough intimacy there is a spiritual distance between them.